I WILL NOT LOSE HEART

Scripture tells us: "... do not lose heart, but I am heart-broken. It is the unexpectedness of death that causes despair. I think of those sweet little children and caring adults in Connecticut, who lost their lives… such a senseless act of violence. I cannot imagine the pain those families must endure.

Another heartbreak happens when we are blind sighted by the sudden death of a positive person, who is feeling better than ever, who says that life is good, and hope for cancer maintenance or cure is within his reach. When I start to feel really good and a little complacent about my situation, it is then that reality shakes me to the core.

The CLL/SLL community just lost a cancer warrior. Today in Lake Stevens, Washington, was the memorial service of Randy Shirley, who was a participant in the ABT-199 clinical trial. He was 55-years-old when he died. Just like most of us on the kinase inhibitors, on Monday Randy remarked that he felt better than he had since he was diagnosed. Randy’s drug dosage was increased Tuesday. Wednesday he died. This was reported by Dr. Brian Koffman (http://bkoffman.blogspot.com/2012/12/randy-shirley-another-cll-warrior-passes.html).

There are a number of us who have volunteered in clinical trials to be participants in testing kinase inhibitors to manage CLL/SLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia/Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma). The three drugs that are presently being tested are: (1) ABT-199, (2) GS-1101 (formerly known as CAL-101), and (3) Ibrutinib (formerly known as PCI-32765).

I knew Randy virtually from an interactive site about leukemia. He was an optimistic soul. He did not let leukemia own him. Randy’s motto was “Never, ever give up!” Randy was not supposed to die. The cancer treatment was working for him. So you see, the reality is that life is fragile and you can still die, even if you are upbeat and proactive.

I used to say that anyone can die walking across the street and getting hit by a truck. I don’t say that anymore, because it minimizes the daily struggle of a cancer patient.

Even though I am heart-broken, I have not lost heart and I have not lost hope. I know that a positive and warrior attitude will make my life’s journey a quality one. I will still take my chances and live my life with gusto, gratitude and love. I will not live in fear. And I will thank God for every single day I have on this earth with the people I love.