GRATITUDE AND LOVE TO ONCOLOGISTS AND CAREGIVERS

Today I feel the need to send a special thank you for all oncologists and caregivers.

ONCOLOGISTS

The oncologists I know work long hours wrestling with the angel of death, often sacrificing a personal life for their patients or their research. This entwined with the stress of healthcare obstacles of which they have little control, often leads to physical and emotional exhaustion, frustration, depersonalization, and questioning ones contribution. About five years ago, this resulted in about one-third of oncologists facing burnout (HemOnc Today, June 10, 2008). The number has climbed to 56% (EPEC-O Module 15, p.3).

I have met the compassionate and caring oncologist, whose life is based on having an impact on the lives of her patients. She is the angel of life. She has pursued medicine for the right reasons. She treats the whole human being.

I have met the cold and depersonalized researcher, who only sees a patient as a lab rat. His bedside manner is lacking. He is what I refer to as “Dr. Buzzkill.” But strangely, I do understand him and how he must disconnect. But he should not be interacting with cancer patients face-to-face, because he can do unintentional harm. However, he too needs to be thanked for his contribution to medicine. And maybe a little prayer of compassion directed his way might help… Dr. Michael Keating from M.D. Anderson (Houston) once told me that you can teach a bright person about medicine, but you cannot teach him or her how to care. So the key is to find good human beings, who want to be physicians. It’s also important to remember that these doctors are only human.

The remarkable ones are the oncologists who somehow balance their human compassion with their research – the best of both worlds. Thank you so very much.

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH -- CAREGIVERS

I remember a discussion I had with Dr. Chadha, who diagnosed my leukemia. He told me that I was very lucky to have a solid good man as my husband, because an alarming number of spouses cannot handle the diagnosis of cancer, and they leave. I personally believe it is because they are selfish and fear their own mortality. Those that stay, still fear their own mortality, but have an inner strength and love that overcomes that fear.

For those special people that stay, I give my gratitude and love. I never realized that it is often more stressful to be a caregiver of a person you love, than to be the person diagnosed with cancer. It wasn’t until several caregivers visited the Cancer Support Group that I attend, that I actually heard what is going on in their head. It made me appreciate my husband Carl more. It explained why he is often overprotective of me and sometimes stressed. I cannot thank him enough for being the one person whom I can be bluntly honest and transparent, and yet he still remains by my side.

A special hug goes to Dr. Nick, who stays by Pat’s side, who is fighting the cancer battle leaving no leaf uncovered. That kind of persistence is admirable. That kind of love is special.

A special hug goes to Diane, who has a 38-year-old daughter in hospice. The process of death brings out the best and the worst in people. I honor Diane for her unconditional love for her child.

So there is caregiver burnout too. The stress can be physical, emotional, financial, social, and psychological. Caregivers need to take care of their health and sanity by taking time for themselves and not feeling guilty about it. This is one of the best ways to ease the stress. If caregivers don’t take care of themselves, they will not be able to take care of the person they love and they will stress out the cancer patient and make things worse.

Every human being needs others. What I have found that really helps with the caregiver stress is to have a support group of friends and family who give their time and love to the cancer patient. I am eternally grateful for those wonderful friends of mine, and I am so grateful for my family – for each person who takes the time to be with me or talk to me.

PARTING THOUGHT

There are hidden blessings in this life and usually they are the little things that are really the big things that bring joy to our life. It really helps to live in the here-and-now, and forgive people. Be grateful for all your blessings. Tell people how much they mean to you today, how much you appreciate them, and how much you love them.

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

-- Cicero (106-43 BCE)