“And ye shall know the truth, and the
truth shall make you free.”
(John 8:32)
So it
is one of the worst days of your life. You have been diagnosed with the big “C”
or someone you love has been diagnosed with cancer. These are my 15 truths
(with a lowercase “t”) about what I have learned in my journey with leukemia. I
hope it gives you a new paradigm shift.
First
let me clarify what I mean by TRUTH. What is the difference between the truth (with a lowercase “t”) and the
Truth (with a capital “T”)? The truth with a
lowercase “t” is according to man. It is relative. It is subjective. The Truth
with a capital “T” is according to God. It is absolute. It is unchanging and
true in all situations.
My 15 truths:
1. Cancer will dramatically change
your life for the worst or for the better (and sometimes both) depending on
your perspective. There is a transformative effect of suffering from an illness
at a time when everyone else is pursuing happiness that seems so unfair. Only
you have the control of your attitude. Do not let cancer steal whatever life
you have left.
2. Each person's journey
is different. Most people carry precancerous cells in
their body. These cells often do not grow into cancer, because they are kept in
control by a number of mechanisms that keep them playing nicely with other
cells. If the precancerous cells are so damaged that they cannot cooperate,
they usually repair themselves or atrophy and die.
It just takes one bad boy. It can happen to
anyone. The miracle is that it does not happen more often. The cell that
decides to become anti-social develops a pattern of bad behavior. He divides
whenever he pleases instead of waiting for signals from other cells. Other
cells become crowded out. The bad boys
move to places they should not be, develop their own mutations, and stop
listening to signals that they must die.
Each cancer is different
depending upon a patient’s individual genome (body chemistry). That is why
there are different responses to the same cancer treatment for the same cancer
diagnosis.
3. You will reassess your priorities. A
cancer diagnosis will make you realize what is really important in this life. For
me it is the relationships in my life (both spiritual and personal), creating my
art, my writing, and my small contribution to making the world a better place. Think
about all the stuff (material and financial) you have been collecting all these
years. You can’t take it with you.
4. You will see your own mortality. A
cancer diagnosis will make you stare at God at close range. Having a diagnosis
of cancer makes the reality of death more clear. This is inevitable. The
reality is that our physical bodies are all going to die at some point. This is
not something to be feared. We will just walk into another room. I believe our
spirit lives on forever.
5. Learn to live in the here and now. It is amazing how it takes being diagnosed with cancer to make us embrace
the beauty of today. We can clutch the past so tightly that we leave no room
for today. Or we can live in the future of what ifs -- not realizing that
tomorrow does not exist yet.
6. Family and friends that
connect with you do it out of love and caring. These people become your support
and the joys of your life. You will find out who really cares. Do not
constantly barrage them with your illness. Do not let the cancer define you. It
will wear them out. Remember that they have a life that deserves to be
discussed and lived.
7. Do not surround yourself with
toxic or selfish people. Avoid family members and friends like the
plague who make you feel worse than you did before you communicated with them. Also
understand that family members and friends who disconnect with you do it out of
fear of their own mortality or because you are no longer useful to them. Forgive
them and move on.
8. It is important to be a proactive
patient and educate yourself. Research. Find support
groups. Ask questions. Take control of your life! You will come to realize that
physicians often have to rely on educated guesses because they do not know all
the answers. We are just at the cusp of understanding cytogenetics and DNA.
9. GET A SECOND OPINION or third or fourth. Surround yourself with experts, not just
generalists. Explore your options. What is the standard therapy? Is there a
clinical trial you could participate in? What other possibilities are available
for you?
10. Do not let statistics freak you
out! When you read about statistics please understand
that it is a mathematical science based on the number crunching of data. It
does not mean YOU. In order to have the
numerical results, there is often the presence of outliers that do not fit into
the sample mean. You may be an outlier.
11. Your body will change during
treatment. You may have cognitive impairment from the
treatment. You may have fatigue, pain, or limitations in your
daily life. Take care of your body. Adjust to a new normal with no guilt.
12. Prepare to have psychological and social
stressors that you should not ignore. Even if you are a well-grounded
person you will have your moments. Your psychological wellness affects the health
of your body. Be kind to yourself. Understand that the
dark cloud may quietly hover over your head, even when you are in remission,
because of the fear of the return of those bad boys.
13. Financial stress may become an unfortunate part of your life, which may include fighting
with insurance companies or experiencing reduced employment or no income. Take
care of your energy level so that you have enough energy left over to live as
well as you can with the diagnosis.
14. Laugh when the spirit moves you. Laughter improves our well-being. Don’t take yourself or life too
seriously. Remind yourself of funny moments in your life. Hang around people
who make you laugh. Go to the Improv or to see comedies. Try to find humor in
bad situations. I understand that sometimes life just sucks. But it helps me to
find demented humor in the soap opera of life. LOL.
15. Wake up every morning full of love
and gratitude. Meditate, pray, and count your blessings. Surround yourself
with people and activities that make your life a joyful one. Don’t overlook the
simple things in life that give you happiness – like a beautiful sunrise or a
grandchild’s laughter or a puppy sitting on your feet.
So there you have it – my 15 truths about cancer. This is how I personally
have been able to not only survive on my journey, but also joyfully live.
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